How many times have you gone to start something new only to stall? At the start of pushing ourselves or starting something new, only to hear that nagging self-doubt. It stops you in your tracks. A voice somewhere saying, ‘You’ll never get the job. You’ll fluff the interview. That’s too hard; you haven’t got time for that; you’ll never finish it anyway; you don’t deserve that; you’re bloody useless at that. He’ll never fancy you’ Although that voice can be silenced once we accomplish a task, it isn’t long before new worries set it. ‘Will I be able to do the job? I bet I came across as a numpty on the first date.
A few, right? Probably more than a few. There is a voice in our mind, our internal narrative and it’s the voice we hear the most. It’s the loudest voice and clearest in our minds eye. It’s generally also the most critical It tends to foster distrust, self doubt, self criticism and affects every aspect of our lives! From our mood, our emotional wellbeing, our responses to situations, personal choices, our choice of partner, to our performance at work.
it’s a very powerful force over our lives. The good news is that it is not a natural nor inherent voice. That’s right honey, it ain’t permanent! It’s something which has been imposed or learned from situations in life and is experienced in those self-limiting thoughts which can keep us from achieving our goals. How? Lemme show you…
So, that voice which told you to have the piece of cake – does it leave it there? No, not in my experience. It then tears into you for having no self control. Sound familiar? Yep, thought so.
But we can change that voice, together – right now! How wonderful would that be? To become your own cheerleader – for life. Well, I got your back.
There are a few short steps we can take together.
Step one: Where are you most critical of yourself? What are those criticisms, specifically. List em out – that’s right. Say them out loud. Now:
Step two: Turn that from an ‘I’ or ‘Me’ statement to a ‘You’. Direct the criticism away from you, de-personalise that shiz. For example, ‘I am so lazy’ to ‘You are so lazy.’ As you say these things be aware of the tone and be prepared to experience an emotional response.
It is often, at this point, that we recognise the origin of the voice. It could be a parental voice, a voice of authority from our past – but recognise it you will.
Step three: now we know who the voice belongs to, it’s time to formulate our response. That’s right baby – we get to shout BACK!!! Ready? So, if that voice is telling you you’re stupid (that one is all to common) then how about we rationalise that statement. ‘I’m not stupid. I live in a world of normal people, some brilliant, some not so – most somewhere in the middle. I’m normal. I’m me. I’m OK. Repeat.
Lastly, once we have identified our most criticised areas – the area we hear the most noise internally – we can start to change it. How? Read on my beauty…
Do NOT engage in the self destructive behaviour being shouted at you by that voice. Don’t do as it is tell you to. Say no. Let’s use the cake example – have the piece of cake, cos life is too short, but stop there. Enjoy it, savour the sweetness. But, just don’t have a second slice. That’s it. Decision made and we are GOOD with it. Inner voice – go f*ck yourself.
Now hear me when I say this – it isn’t easy. It takes time and effort to switch up the narrative, and with any change will come a certain amount of anxiety. That’s OK – expect it and feel it, but don’t let it steal your energy. Change is sometimes a GREAT thing!! Stick with it, keep challenging the voice, keep making those rationlising statements and watch your trajectory change.
Believe me, having your inner cheerleader alongside you in life is FAR AND AWAY more powerful and life affirming that old nagging nelly!
Go ahead beautiful, be brave and be bold – I got you. Let’s take the step together to making a #limitlesslife
Remember, alone we are strong – together we are stronger.